In the studio the monitors had dimmed, and so had the audience.

 

Sombrely, Gray announced "Yes, I'm afraid that we lost Jerome in the course of filming that item."

​

"And if you are a cyclist and maybe haven't thought much of his past criticisms, then realise that this time he was taking a stand for you."

​

"Er, well .. actually, no he wasn't .." pointed out Hamster trying to be respectful without being negative, but failing.

​

Gray shushed him and continued, ".. was setting out to make your case .."

​

"No, he really wasn't .."

​

".. and ended up doing so in typical over-the-top Jerome-E. fashion. An arse yes, but your arse!

​

"Ah! Well. Yes okay, always was that." approved Hampton, turning away and nodding ...

​

***

​

There was a deep pause and then the red light went out, and Control Room, in very mellow, sigh-laden tones, responded with "Aaand .. out! Thank you James, he'd have loved it, very respectful. Thank You."

​

Gray nodded an acknowledgement over to the Control Room window, but said aside to Hampton

​

"Respectful my arse!"

​

"His arse, actually." came the reply, "but look, there's no time for Jerome's or anybody's arse now anyway .. I hate to say it at a time like this but we still haven't figured out how to save the world from the Alien invasion!"

​

"No, but Larksong has .."

​

".. Sorry?" queried Hamster 

​

Gray repeated, "Larksong says he has a plan to save the World."

​

"Our Larksong."

​

"Yes." said Gray.

​

Hampton began ".. Erm, James I think you might be missing something .. one of us certainly is!" and to himself, ".. a Jezza to be precise."

​

And he continued "Come and sit down a minute, there's something I need to tell you .."

​

Just then the studio door opened and Sting entered.

 

"Oh wait, never mind" said Hampton, "Sting's just come in. Don't do anything suspicious, we don't want him to suspect we're on to him!"

​

Gray looks, "That's Jezza."

​

"Oh God" thought Hampton, "he's lost it completely."

 

Then, to James, "No that's Sting .. look .. racing overalls .. helmet .. remember? Sting?"

​

"Yes. Remember. It's Jezza."

​

"Noooo. No James, it's .. oh it's useless that's what it is. Must be the shock" Then suddenly realising in a mild panic, ".. and now there's only me left to stop the invasion!"

​

Meanwhile Sting had come across silently to stand right behind Hampton, but the first he knew of it was when he spoke.

 

"Shush! Don't say 'invasion'"

​

... in Larksong's voice!

​

Hampton spun around, unable to compute.

​

"It's me!" and Sting lifted his visor just for a second to reveal Larksong's very smug and annoying face. Okay maybe just a little bit wonderful too, though when challenged about that much later Hampton absolutely denied it 

​

Hamption turned to Gray "It's Jezza!"

​

"I said that .."

​

"Yes I know, but .."

​

"It's brilliant!" said Jezzting

​

"What is?"

​

"My brilliant plan! Fake my own death, pretend to be Sting! Nobody knows it isn't him in this outfit, perfect disguise!"

​

"And I can go anywhere!" he continued, "Have you ever seen anyone even think about stopping Sting going wherever he wants?"

​

"Could even maybe pretend to be Sting phoning home to the other Stings, a message from OB1 telling them 'These are not the droids you are looking for'. Get it? 'These are not ...?' Ok, sorry."

​

"But seriously .. I can poke around, look through stuff, best chance we have at this point. Plus, you haven't got a better idea."

​

"Actually," said Hampton assertively, "yes I have!" .. then defensively ".. well no I haven't, but you can't even butter toast without instructions, and even then you need a hammer! So banking on you aceing Alien technology in a language that probably requires your teeth to pulse light, isn't helping my life expectancy one bit!"

​

"Oh yeah? Well we'll see!" snapped-back Larksting." 

 

"While you go and get on with the next item, which is now going to be a special tribute to me.. " he said smugly .."

 

"You're just loving this aren't you?!"

​

".. I'll go and see what I can uncover. You can thank me later. When I save the World. By myself." 

​

And that was that because right then Control Room had crackled "Five minutes, studio. Setting up for Jerome's tribute insert. Five minutes!"

​

"Insert?" retorted Hampton, "I'll insert something!"

​

Stingsong turned and left just at the same time as J3551CA entered and walked through again as a Tech. She glanced at departing 'Sting' and clearly knew his real identity. She went to Hampton, finally breaking the fantasy/reality barrier for him.

​

Hampton however, being Hampton, was simply unable to get his head around any of it of course.

​

"But you're ..."

​

"No" she replied, "I'm ..."  and she smiled, explaining everything important with just those two words. 

 

And she continued, ".. and I'm worried about someone I'd truly like to get to know better. I've seen you getting increasingly bothered about something serious all day, what's wrong .. might help to share?"

​

"Oh believe me it won't .. it couldn't!" he replied through some kind of mist. "But I do wish I could tell someone .." 

 

"But I can't, I really can't .. I .. Oh I've just got to tell somebody or I'll go crazy! Which you will think I am anyway!!"

​

She smiled right in to his eyes, so he took a deep breath and ...

​

"OK so here goes .. Sting is actually an Alien from outer space. It's absolutely true, honest!"

​

"I know he is" she said to his unhearing ears.

​

"... and they are about to take over the Earth unless ... what?"

​

"I know he's an Alien" she repeated.

​

"How?"

​

"Because I am too".

​

"Yeah sure, why not ... let's all be Aliens, at least that way we won't have to get taken over!"

​

J3551CA just looks at him, smiling, waiting.

​

"What, really?" he asked, "I mean, y'know, actually?!"

​

She mouthed "A-li-en" and made forefinger-pointing-up movements.

​

"Well I knew you were out of this world, but I didn't know you were .. out of this World! But, how? .. why? .. what? ..

​

"It's complicated" she said, "and there's not much time. You will just have to trust me, I can help."

​

"You mean, 'the writer is sill working on this bit' ?"

​

"Yes .."

​

"Oh, okay then." he said and they both just hovered quietly for a couple of seconds, picking their nails, humming, staring at the ceiling until suddenly J3551CA pays attention to her headset ..

 

"Okay" she finally continues, ".. apparently we've been keeping an eye on the one you call Sting. He was originally in charge of taking over unpopulated planets and cultivating them to grow the food we much need."

​

"So, er, .. you want us to grow your cabbages?" He still didn't have a the smallest clue really.

​

"And then we discovered he had been taking over inhabited planets too without authorisation. We have been trying to capture him ever since. With your help we can do that, but we need to move quickly!

​

He hesitated, "Yes but .. how do I know it's all true? We're talking about a planet here, a whole one! Mine!"

​

"Oh thats the easy part" she replied.

 

"Firstly, who else could know your fellow Freedom Fighter actually feigned his own death as a cover and is going around pretending to be .." and she motioned with her head towards Stinzza .

 

"Er, okay. And secondly?"

​

Invading his privarte space instead of his Planet, she asked "Is this the kiss of an Earth girl?"

​

For just a second the voice from the control room got in the way by cutting-in and calling her name to come over, but she caught it before it landed and then pressed the face of her rather elaborate watch and all activity in the Studio froze except for the two of them.

 

She smothered him in a looooong lingering kiss with space-age fireworks going off in his head.

 

She stopped and he was totally convinced!

​

She was still smiling at him, and that was all he wanted.

 

J3551CA pressed her watch-thing again and the studio resumed exactly where it paused, though now Hampton just stood there all wide-eyed and wonderful.

​

J3551CA glanced across to the control room and acknowledged the call, "on the way!" ... and then quickly to Hamster, "Just get Sting in to the studio for the Star In A Reasonably Priced Car item, and I'll have things ready."

​

"How do I do that?" he asked.

​

"Any way you like, just get him there!" she replied, going across the studio.

​

Just as she stepped in to the control room the speaker crackled and ..

​

"One minute, studio ... one minute ..."

​

Grey stepped back over to Hampton, nodded toward J3551CA on the far side of the control room window, and said facetiously "I'm glad to see you are enjoying yourself. Now, about the small matter of saving the Planet?"

​

"Oh," Hamster said with more than a hint of sarcasm in return, "..so you're not sure double-0-Larksong has got that all taken care of after all then?"

​

"I once asked him to pick me up a memory stick", Gray returned, "and he brought me a broom handle with a pencil on a string. What do you think?!"

​

"So," Hamster said smugly, "if I had a better plan than his, one we can probably call 'A Plan' you think we should go with it then?"

​

"You've found something?"

​

Nonchalantly polishing his fingernails on the lapel of his imaginary jacket, and trying to be as laid-back as possible short of actually falling over, he said, "Well, I didn't want to say anything til I had all the pieces in place, but I've been wrestling with the millions of intricate details all day long now and .."

​

"What did she just tell you?" Gray interrupted.

​

Hamster immediatelky caved "That she knows Sting is an Alien .. because, er, she is too. And before you sneer, I have proof. For-certain proof! Incontrovertibly rock-hard proof. Ho yes!"

​

"And she said their space-police or whatever have been after him for illegal stellar agriculture or something - don't ask - and she's going to help us."

​

"We've just got to get Sting in the Studio at the end of the programme when there seems to be no hope left, and she'll do something amazingly impressive that these people here" ..  and he waved to indoicate the audience, "will really enjoy, and save the Planet!"

​

"Oh. So .. the writer is still working on that bit then?"

​

"Yep."

 

And he carried on, ".. but they're sure there's no problem getting it right in time and then we can go in to the big rock-out ending, and maybe they" he nodded toward the audience and the viewers at home as well who were by then expecting Sting-Troopers to break their doors in at any moment, ".. will even clap and headbang, dance at their TVs, all that stuff!

 

But by then time had gone by in a Control Room minute. Its microphone said "Ready studio please .."

​

"That will be the Jezza tribute piece then" Hamster suddenly broke off, ".. better keep the stupid story going a bit longer I suppose. But look, when you've finished the introduction and disappear off in to the shadows, see if you can work out how to get Sting here afterwards so we can save the World!"

​

"So who can save the World? asked James.

​

"We can..!" Hampton overinflated.

​

"Who?"  ..

​

"she can .." said Hamster in a very, very small hamster-voice complete with nose-twitch and the earliest beginnings of whiskers that nobody ever had much expectation of anyway, not from him.

​

Hampton and Gray walked over to the presentation spot for the tribute. There was a pause and then the red light went on.

 

"Jerome was originally going to do this piece himself." James began. "It is about choosing his fastest car in the world, something he took great interest in but actually had a rather different idea about, as with so many things."

​

Hampton stepped up, "At first we weren't going to use it. But then we thought it would actually make a particularly fitting tribute to his very special memory." They exchanged a quick, twisted, glance that others took as emotion - which it was, just not the one they thought

​

"So here then, in his own words," continued  James, ".. the last he ever wrote, taken from his earliest memories where this interest was formed, and coming right up to the present day, our present day though not any longer his, is what he left for us. Richard ..."

​

"Thank you, James." responded Hamster equally formally, mouthing "Sting! GO!" behind his hand as he stepped forward.

 

And just a little time after James had then left on his mission to snag Sting for them, Hampton was surprised and delighted when the door opened again and Sting entered, followed a few moments later by James who stood out of the way at the back keeping an eye on him while Larksongh's tribute played out.

​